Serious Letter to safaricom.

Dear Safaricom

I am not angry, I am confused. I will labor not to cuss you out or be offensive in this very short letter, but should I fail, please bear with me. It is the confusion.

Before I go any further, I know that you probably an equivalent of my browser history on file somewhere, please do not leak that. It is not that I have political aspirations, far from it. I am just concerned that my mother finding out I look at midget (sorry, vertically challenges people) porn will make Sunday suppers a tad awkward.

Now that we have established the rules of engagement, can someone please explain to me who owns the property to bundles once I purchase them? See, I had this crazy idea from my Sales of Goods Act class in law school that once purchased, property transfers to the purchaser, who can do with said good as he pleases…right?! Wrong!!

I have read your rules here

In your infinite wisdom, oh great and powerful Safaricom, you have deemed me unworthy of controlling or doing with as I please my own bundles. For what am I but a loyal customer who spends his had earned money on buying from you, the means of getting onto the internet. I possess not your knowledge on how to use these bundles adequately or to my own liking. I am an irresponsible child, and cannot fathom the power that these bundles have over the fate of humanity. Why else would you limit how much I can share MY bundles to 20MBs a day?!

Please bear with me…I haven’t cussed you out yet right?

First, aren’t they MY bundles? Should I have say, 2GB in my modem, and my phone gets that “below 2.00 MB” message y’all are fond of sending me, shouldn’t I be at liberty to send MY phone bundles from MY modem, at a quantity of my choosing? I don’t see why YOU, should be the one to decide as to how many MBs of data I should share between my devices, or with my relatives or with the devil should the opportunity to bargain for a better room in hell arise!! MY DATA BUNDLES!!

And can you account for my data usage?! Because my calculations differ from ours like night and day. It is not the first or the last time I will sleep with 4 gigs of data remaining and wake up to that annoying “below 2.00MB” message. Do my dreams consume data? Are there goblins that come in the middle of the night and visit exploitedmoms.com on my phone? Do I have a sleep surfing condition I am unaware of? What is it?!

  

This has been bugging me all day, and I am writing this very quickly so that the rain does not find me in the office. Please expound on my issues or the nest time I WILL CUSS YOU THE FUCK OUT!!

Your Loyal Customer,

Wile E.

    

I will not forget

I should go back to writing…mainly because the consequences of not doing that would result in ulcers, high blood pressure and eventual death. Kinda like marriage, without the benefits of the occasional sex.

That being said, I passed by the vigil for the 147 people that we let down as a nation last night. I couldn’t stay, on account of living in the neighboring Kiambu County, and the means of travel having been severely constrained by our king in our shamba la mawe, Senor Evans Kidero. For the short time I was able to stay however, there was a jumble of feelings that was very palpable. I cannot speak for others, but I felt a combination of remorse and anger.

WE FAILED THOSE PEOPLE!!!

There is no other way to look at it. We failed them as individuals, we failed them as a government, we failed them as the opposition, we failed them as trade unions, any fucking way you look at it, we failed them. Their blood is on our hands. Their deaths should rest heavily on our consciences.  The sad part however, is that we will soon FORGET. We are known to do that, and we do it very well. 

We will forget that by some miracle or other, spectators to the massacre arrived before the squad of elite forces that eventually ended the ordeal for the survivors. We will forget that there were helicopters available for the burial of a certain Fidel, but the “Equipment to be used by the RECCE company could only get there by road”.

We will forget that there had been a travel advisory against the town of Garissa with the threat level set for imminent. We will forget that the president’s reaction to the advisory was to make a derogatory comment about taxi drivers. We will forget that the CS for foreign affairs went on CNN and downplayed our failures; made the death of 147 people (If that is even the real number) look like child’s play. We will forget that she blatantly displayed a lack of any emotion, remorse, or grief that 147 people were dead.

We will forget that NOT A SINGLE SOUL IN GOVERNMENT HAS TAKEN THE BLAME FOR DROPPING THE BALL IN THE BIGGEST WAY SINCE INDEPENDENCE.

We will forget that the president in response ordered that 10,000 new police officers be recruited; provisions of the constitution be damned. The fact that the recruitment process is flawed, corrupt and only serves to churn out churn out the same corrupt individuals who were paid to let in the mastermind of the Garrissa massacre into the country. We will forget that the members of the RECCE company who endangered their lives to end the siege were ALLEGEDLY paid a paltry 500/- in allowances. I capitalized the word allegedly because none of us could be bothered to find out if this is true.

Worst of all, we will forget that 147 Kenyans full of unbridled potential lost their lives. We will forget that most of them were tegemeo la familia zao. We will forget that parents had sent them to Garissa to further their education, to better their lives. We will forget that these people had families, they left behind people that we wronged, people whose hopes we broke, people whose dreams we stole. That their futures were extinguished by our negligence, our lack of initiative, our collective incompetence.

Because why should we remember?

We have our own problems right?

We are very busy people. We have shit to do. We have shit to steal and other crap to deal with. 147 people aren’t many. It’s not like they can make up 13 football teams right? Tell me again why we should remember… I mean 147 is just a number right?!

WRONG!

Those were 147 brothers, sisters, sons, daughters…those were 147 lives. Those 147 had names. Those 147 were not divided by tribe, terrorists did not give a fuck what their last names were. Those 147 could easily have been either of us. Those 147 could have been your family member. We should remember them because those 147 died on our watch. We should remember them because the guilt of their deaths should walk with us for the rest of our lives. We are the 147, and they were us.

147 is not just a number.