Tuacheni Bangi Saa Zingine

I am not sure whether it is the amount of substances, both legal and illegal that is permeating through our body systems, but I am inclined to believe that Kenyans are losing their collective and individual grip on reality. We are resulting to very fucked up methods of either seeking attention, or getting money. Our morality and collective sobriety in not only down the drain, but it is already at the sewerage collection plant!! In the past few weeks, I have witnessed things that push the boundaries of stupidity to near breaking point. What things doth thou speak of, you ask….well, here goes nothing…

A couple of weeks back, the news ran a story about a trio of retarded musicians who are perpetrating ideologies akin to hate speech, all in the name of supporting their preferred political candidates. Before you go crucifying me for the lyrics being lost in translation due to the language differences we have, I come from the region that these assholes come from. I understand their language first hand, and thought this cannot be termed as hate speech per say, it is in more than one way, divisionary and derisive. It was a shame to the sober members of the Agikuyu community who do not condone or endorse such message. The really fucked up part, was the reaction that top government officials gave to the debacle. That sycophantic asswipe from the National Cohesion would have done sqwat if it wasn’t for the screams of Kenyans on social media. Twitter is a strong force ladies and gentlemen…toppling governments in Egypt, kicking a South Korean airline in the nuts, and forcing people to notice a bunch of brainless idiots compounding the already ugly monster we have, through music. Someone needs to tell Mr. Kibunja to grow a pair. He holds a constitutional office, whose mandate is to look out for people like these, and others. While they are at it, they should tell him that I think he should vocalize his undying gratitude to Kenyans on Twitter, for without them, his job portfolio would be like NACADA…another useless government agency.

After these “Musicians” were arraigned in court, Politicians and high ranking government officials were tripping over their own feet standing up for them. Are you kidding me people?! Really?! Did you take time to listen to the lyrics?! Did you even think on how you actions impact on the future of our great nation?! Fucking idiots. If there is no Kenya to govern and no tax payers to loot from, where are you going to get fuel to feed you ego/inflated sense of self importance and you ever hungry extended belly? Bloody motherfuckers! Sit down and think for a second! See how many people of influence fell victim to bouts of stupidity? Stupidity kills dude…worse than an epidemic. And it has a tendency to spread, faster than a wildfire, infecting other people who are prone to the same shitty thoughts.  

The human mind is a funny instrument, it is faster and better than any chipset ever made, but I think its most curious flaw, is the susceptibility to selective amnesia. We quickly forget what happened in 2007 after the general elections…people were carried away by their emotions and ended up following unscrupulous politicians who were keen on furthering their power grabbing agendas. Violence that nearly tore our country apart, all on account of a people…nonsense!! The promise of a little money turned us all into raving lunatics?! I believe there is a little more human and a lot less ape in us. Kama ni pesa umepewa, I highly doubt the guy who gave you money would demand it back on account of you not committing a crime. Get your 500/-, go to your kalocal Wines & Spirits and make it rain. Nunulia watu Keroche na maetc, then go home a drunk and happy man, ukute hakuna chumvi kwa nyumba, uingie kwa jirani yako mwenye uliambiwa ufurushe, uombe chumvi, udushi, ubleki. Watu waache tu umama! And we need to start a campaign…Give Kibunja a nut transplant!  

Moving on, shout out to that retarded alshabaab wannabe heifer who for whatever reason, decided to threaten a full-fledged government minister! That takes a dastardly combination of stupidity and balls. But I understand…she was a house help or whatever. Hii njaro ya mamboch kuona soaps and Naija movies on citizen TV, haiwasaidii! If this retarded bitch ever watched CSI, she would know that text messages, or any other form of electronic communication, hata money order ama telegram, can be tracked by a motivated party. I believe it is safe to say, that a threatened Mutula Kilonzo is a very motivated individual. And this woman left no stone unturned…threatening to rape the minister’s wife and daughter, bomb his house and kill him. The order in which this was to be done, is only known to the voices in her head, and the mode of accomplishing them, especially the part where she, rapes another woman, I shall leave to your twisted imagination.

This post will not have a snappy conclusion, filled with wit and what not. It is not the kind of post where I leave you laughing or inspire you to think…I would just like to point out that we need to put a leash on the amount of Upuzi we are exhibiting. Chenye tu nitawaambia ndugu zanguni…if you know someone who is prone to moments of stupidity, wanaume wenye watavaa skirt in public kama Oliech, showing us cross dressing tendencies nShit, people who are capable of behaving like that sore loser Alpha from project fame…people whose general definition of thinking does not involve a brain, please, kick them in the nuts, or bash their heads in and save us all the trouble, and the embarrassment of dealing with such people!