National Players Day

National Players Day

Yep…you did not read that wrong. That is exactly what I think of the congregation of important people that happened at the Safari park Hotel today. First of, I am not entirely a very religious person. It stems from a deep sited resentment of the custodians of my former faith-pastors. I have a heightened suspicion that they are part of a nationwide conspiracy to enrich themselves off the sweat of the God-fearing, easily gullible majority. True, they try to coat their ill-gotten gains with fancy coloured titles; blessing, tithe or planting seeds in an invisible farm where harvest time never gets here. Church has this ability to make me digress, and that might rub some off the wrong way, but if it does, I doubt you have the intelligence or the mindset to read be here…so do like Jay Z once said…poof, vamoose son of a whoa!

The setting of the meeting was suspect. If it such a national prayer meeting, why hold it at a location where a cup of tea costs more than the average Kenyan earns in a week. Mind you, the average Kenyan does not include the middle-class…those are the above average fuckers who are comfortable with the status quo, and don’t mind. The average Kenyan, ni jamaa wa Kayole. The guy whose idea of chai ya kulipwa ni ya 5 bob kwa kibanda! Is it looking more and more like a mafia meeting? Exclusivity, check!

Now that I have kinda sorta pointed out where I stand concerning religion, you will understand why I regard today’s meeting with a hint of suspicion. When a group of people who are accustomed to acquiring wealth through false or amoral means meet, I consider that to be like a meeting of criminals. They were all here, in all their thugged glamour and their holier-than-thou self-righteousness. What tripped me most, was the fact that they kept advertising that the meeting was paid for by the MPs from their own pockets….do you see the Irony here or am I the only bright one? These lazy good-for-nothings get paid from my taxes! Yours too if you have not caught on you ignorant imbecile! For doing nothing!

In other words, we indirectly paid for a meeting where we were not invited, we were not wanted, and we were only supposed to watch through media. Its like stocking a shop, and the closest you will get to the merchandise is through a glass pane…Makes me have awesome respect for jewelry store clerks. You want to know what kind of criminals were being protected by the suit clad, gun totting, no nonsense goons outside Safari Park? Let me try and break it down…

1)    The Sicilians.

These are the kingpins. They have their hands in everything. They run this town…everyone knows they are criminals, but you cant touch these niggas. They own the law, appoint the law enforcers, and everyone that matters owes them a favour  in one way or the other. They have the power to make you disappear in a heartbeat…the swim with the fishes thaing, came from them. They literally give you cement shoes and make you take a dip man! Their Don was there, the shiny baldness of his head a tell-tale sign of wealth and power, sipping on his thousand shilling extra fine imported tea…in a country that exports that shit!

2)   The Irish Mafia

They are like the hyacinth of crime. Once they get a foothold in your town, they busy taking over everywhere! Sprouting little branches on every corner. Their proceeds are covered by a loophole embedded in the law, where they are exempt from declaring their earnings or taxation. They are in the business of dealing drugs…you know, the opium of the masses.  They are snake oils salesmen and  literally let you bring your hard-earned money to them…its like taking candy from a baby! Their main agenda is revenue generation. The leading members are easily noticeable by their driving of exotic cars, like a well-known member of this criminal syndicate who drives an Audi Q7.

3)   The Russians

These are the muscle. They are thugs for hire. They specialize in elimination, intimidation, neutralization of threats and protection. They are responsible for quelling little pockets of resistance among the indigenous population. They “take care” of the Omutatas and the Ann Njogus. They are at the beck and call of the Sicilians, and do their dirty work for them. They are in charge of finding accommodation among the fishes for those that do not conform…

4)   The Hebrews

These are rarely seen in the limelight…because they are the limelight. They control what makes news, and what doesn’t. let them not lie to you though they all work in league with the Sicilians. They are the ones that make sure that the workings of the evil criminal syndicates are buried or sugar coated. They are masters of deception, making coins disappear behind our ears and what not…they run the mammoth machine that feeds us bullshit.

Of course, they had to throw in the ordinary waninichi in there somewhere, to appease the masses. The thing I don’t get is, when there is a national event of such magnitude and importance as a prayer meeting for the nation, it is held at a national gathering site (Uhuru Park, Nyayo staduim). Yaani juu leo walikuwa na dishi, and they had to go to a place I cant afford? Them they try to sugar coat that shit in a manner that makes it look okay? Who the Fuck told you that I trust your lying, thieving asses enough to use you as a conduit from me to my maker? You who will spend the rest of the day trying to get my brother Difre Redams (reformed Porn Kingpin) to stab me in my sleep, just because we don’t  speak the same dialect! You who spends 364 days and 20 hours shafting me in the back? Fuck you and all you represent!! Ama you think that you are the only ones whose words can get to God? Really? You must think the Wile E. Coyote stupid…well, your under-the –table shenanigans might fool a lot of people, but not this negro. You even invited a whole senate committee member! No offense to Koontz…I don’t know that white boy too well, but my moms taught me that you can tell a man by the company he keeps. I am not too fond of your company…man from Delaware!!

This was another networking meeting by the who’s who of crime. The A-listers of the underground. Knowing who you should stab in the back, and whose balls you should put in you mouth and suck. They just had to make it look like they had our best interests at heart. You should have seen them…calling out new criminals, and introducing them to the regulars….Nigerians, Ethiopians, even the bomb experts were there.   It was a meeting of drug barons, pimps, gangsters, fraudsters….all the players! And if this makes me wear cement shoes….so be it homes!